Life before death

This week has been a discourage week for me, especially job wise. I can’t wait for weekend to come. This weekend I have attended a talk by a photographer, Deanna Ng titled “Life before death”.

I have always been “fantasied” by death, since young. In this still society, death was pretty much still a taboo. No one really likes to talk about it. Since a child, I have always been pondering where do we go after death and this was what lead me to become a Buddhist.

The first time that I encountered death was about 4 years old when my grandfather passed away. My memory of it was very vague but I remember it as a “fun” one because of the fact that I can play with my cousins. It’s very rare in our family that we will gather together. It’s only during New Year or occasions such as wedding and funeral that we get to meet each other.

My next encounter with death was when I was 18 years old. My grandma had passed away in her sleep. She had diabetics and had both her legs amputated. Shortly after that, she suffered from stroke and remained bed-ridden for 4 years before she finally passed away.

I am not too sure whether it’s a Chinese practice or what. But after the cremation, everyone of us gather around the remains and “pick bones” to be place in the urn. We were not allowed to speak during the process, and it was through this process that I was struck hard. While picking her bones, this stream of thoughts went through my head, is this what remains of us after death. What’s money and materials means then. And I really envy my grandmother, at least there are people who pick her bones after her death. I wonder if the same will happen to me or not.

Today, the talk is about documenting those dying people before their death to leave a memory for the family. Deanna has shared a lot of her thoughts and feeling with us. To many people, death remains a fear to them. I think I was very lucky. Being a Buddhist, I have read up quite a few books about death. Perhaps people will find it strange but I supposed if we are mentally prepared for it, there will be no fear. After all, this is a path that everyone will have to go through regardless of rich or poor.

Having said all these, it is not that I can face death peacefully or what. As much as I can, I hope I am ready for it when it’s my turn. My life philosophy? To die without regrets.